Binge and Purge (NC-17)
This feeling is sensational.
I’ve not had this sense of release for so long, that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be so satisfied. To feel so feminine and whole in my own skin. I’m panting, hard, from the exertion. Sweat, salty on my tongue from licking my lips for the umpteenth time, makes me realize that I am incredibly thirsty from all of the effort. I smile broadly at the fact that I am so damned happy for the cause of the dehydration. I close my eyes and relish this moment of bliss.
My skin is still buzzing and the warm tingling residue of my orgasm that causes a sigh of satisfaction to come from my lips. I feel is this small squirmy sensation at the pit of my belly which makes me giggle like a simpering schoolgirl. I touch both lips shyly in awe at this previously lost sensation. I cup my hand over my most sensitive of places in attempt to keep at bay another wave of joy eaking its way to the fore. I don’t think if I can physically handle another, and the fact that they are coming now of their own accord means I’ve passed my peak of 4 in a row. I can’t help but chuckle some at the fact that I am sticky, spent, sore and satisfied.
I can easily say has been more than 3 years since I have been at this place and a smile spreads across my entire aura. I feel a body roll over to place a gentle kiss on my shoulder, and humming happily onto my skin. The smell is a little foreign to what I suspect I should be smelling, and when his hand snakes playfully up my belly, I don’t feel the coarseness I expect to feel. Then a breath is released, and I hear a familiar, but again unexpected voice.
“Wow…. yeah… wow… uh… I’m gonna get some water, and then be right back. Don’t run away on me, okay?”
I clench my eyes closed as the bliss fades immediately when I realize I shouldn’t feel this way. Fuck it all. I have really, really messed up. I keep my eyes closed as I nod my head yes. I can feel his body slip away and the mattress normalizes under the weight of only one person.
The tears are inevitable, and the guilt is starting to close my throat. I should not have done this. I let my physical needs cloud my judgment, and have completely violated my own morals. The tears well up and freely slide down my cheeks and begin to pool into my ears. I turn over onto my side and curl up into the fetal position, cupping my hands to my face, my emotions getting the better of me.
“Not the reaction I expect…” a slight chuckle and then a kiss on my shoulder, which slowly lingers and then moves to just behind my ear. The next question is less playful, more concerned, “What’s wrong? Please, Elizabeth tell me what’s the matter?”
I can feel his body curl up against mine to wrap me up into a hug. His hand is cool from previously holding the glass of water and is now attempting to calm me by petting my arm softly. He continues to kiss my neck, and I can hear the worry in his voice as he continues to plead with me to tell him what’s going on. The tears stop, and I slowly relax my muscles.
I feel horrible and I know, instinctively, what I’ve done is bad. Really, really bad. Nevermind the fact that he is younger than me, I should never have crossed the line and taken advantage of my position with him. My mind is whirring with possibilities of how much trouble I could be in, when I hear the urgency in his voice and open my eyes to see the look of worry on his face. I can’t deal with all of the thoughts screaming for attention in my head, so I do the one thing I know will shut them all out, and kiss him. Hard.
He hesitates at first, and starts to give in. I can feel him harden against my thigh, and I turn into his arms, urgently pulling and grasping at his body. I need him to drown out all of my worries and complications with the feel of him against me, inside of me. I wrap my legs around his waist and start to frantically rub against him, desperate for the friction that will let me forget the consequences of what I’m doing, of what I’ve done. I’m pulling him to me in the hopes that the coming bliss will wipe away this soul crushing guilt. Instead of giving in, he pulls away from me looking confused and flustered.
“Elizabeth, calm down… seriously tell me what’s wrong?”
“Ugh! Are you kidding me!? I’m dry humping you and you want to talk? Can’t you just go with it?”
“Normally I’d say yes, but somethings not right.”
I drop my legs from around his waist and fall back to the mattress with an exhausted sigh. I really don’t want to think about what I’ve done, nor what it will mean. I take a deep breath and look at his hazel eyes as they search my face for an answer.
Shit, where do I begin?
“You need to know that…” I can hear the urgent ringing of my phone. I groan.
I always forget to turn that damned phone off.
“Shit! I have to get that Josh.”
He rolls off of me, and I go searching for my phone. When I find it I see Brian’s name on screen. Talk about uncanny timing, his ears must have been burning. I accept the call.
“Hey” I say softly. I turn away from Josh, who is languidly spread out over his sex-covered sheets, mouthing a question I can’t really read on his lips. I can’t focus with him laying there tented sheet over a particular body part I would prefer to be occupied with rather than this call. I throw up a finger to signal I need a moment to take the call and turn away to keep my wits about me.
“Hey baby. I just wanted to tell you that I’ve got a lead on my movie. That and I missed you.”
“That’s great news Brian. But I’m kinda busy right now… I…”
“Hey, did you hear me? I miss you…”
I sigh as that is normally Brian’s queue to me that he wants to have phone sex. I slap a palm to my face. He really has an unnerving sense of bad timing. I groan audibly.
“What! don’t you wanna hear how hard I am right now…for you?”
“Look, Brian, now isn’t a good time. I can’t really do this right now.”
“Never stopped you before my dirty girl. Come on, just play along… please? For your husband?”
His whining entreaty cuts through me. My heart clenches with the admission of what I’ve just done. I was hoping that if I didn’t admit it to myself it wouldn’t be true.
But I can’t avoid it, I’m an cuckold.
The wave of guilt starts anew, but before I can even give into it, I can hear Brian’s heavy panting on the other end of the line. If I say anything to oblige him, I’m about to make the situation with Josh unbearably bad. If I don’t play along, Brian will start a fight which won’t help either.
I hate that about Brian. His toddler-like selfishness always trumping my needs. I don’t even get a say, and he just assumes that I’m going to drop whatever I’m doing to satisfy him. I can hear the tell-tale sounds of flesh rubbing against flesh and I flush with anger and embarrassment at my predicament. Jesus! He couldn’t even wait for me to agree to this! What if I had really been on set?! No one else in the world matters but him, and when he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum. I can’t deal with him and his egotistical need to always come first. I make a quick retreat to Josh’s bathroom, shut the door behind me and then lean up against it.
Quick! Think of anything to get him off the phone!!
“Brian, I said no. I…I can’t do this. I’m…I’m…on set and…”
“Kinda late to be on set isn’t it Liz? Come on…unf…I can see your tits bouncing now…”
“No! Brian! I said, I’m busy! We can do this later. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
“Fucking hell Liz! You are such a selfish bitch sometimes. I call you with good news and you fucking cut me down. I can’t believe you sometimes.”
“What the…good news? You’ve said you got a lead, so what. You’ve had a million leads in the past month but nothing has come of them.” I realize my voice is raised louder than it should be, so I cup my hand over the receiver and hushedly continue. “How many times do you want me to jump for joy? I mean really? Celebratory phone sex when I told you I’m…I’m working!”
Yeah work. If that’s what you call getting your brains fucked out by the male lead of the movie you’re working on.
I quickly stammer out the rest in the hopes that it will end this conversation. “At least respect the fact that I’m trying to keep us housed and fed.”
“You know what? Fuck you Liz.” The line goes dead.
I hang my head in defeat, and go to sit on the edge of the bathtub. I know that this fight isn’t a big one and when we talk later he will have forgotten everything with some soothing ego-stroking words which will emotionally and physically drain me. 3 years we’ve been together and Brian is so damned predictable. He gets good news and he wants sex. I get good news and he could care less. Its exhausting that even now when I’m trying my damndest to keep everything together, he’s off on some pie-in-the-sky dream of becoming a director. Barely lifting a finger to help, and never once listening to me and respecting my needs.
You know what Elizabeth, Fuck him!
However, I still have to deal with the fact that I’m in another mans bathroom, naked, and desperately needing to get home to straighten out my head. First things first, I need to wash off what I’ve done. So I place my phone on the sink, and turn on Josh’s shower.
As I stand under the scorching heat of the shower head, I hear the door open and feel the cold rush of air against my skin. I turn to face the wall, because I can’t deal with two needy men right now, one needing an ego stroking, And the other? Well, I don’t really know what he wants, but it’s gotta be something that I shouldn’t be giving to him anyhow. (At least in the non-professional sense.)
“Elizabeth? Everything okay?”
Fuck. I have to get out of here. Lie!… Lie your ass off.
“Yeah, just some… um… personal stuff I’ve got to deal with.”
“So… uh… when will we be able to see one another again?”
I yell over the sound of the shower, as I frantically scrub away all of this guilt. “Uh… probably in less than 8 hours…I mean I’ve got to see you on set. Right?” I grimace at the unconvincing tone of my awful nonchalant response.
If I treat this as a stupid, stupid mistake… maybe he can let it go. Please, please be one of those horny 20-somethings that can just “sport fuck” and move on.
He pulls the shower curtain aside to stare me down. “You know what I meant. Come on Elizabeth. What’s really going on here? Is it something I did… or is it…?”
“No! God no.”
I chuckle lightly at the thought that he would even consider himself anything other than superb in the sack, or that he would consider me… as out of his league? Wow. That’s incredibly flattering now that I take a moment to consider it. I look over my shoulder to face him, and as I do I see him quickly retract his arm, like he just got caught doing something he shouldn’t. It dawns on me that he’s intimidated! Its sweet and endearing. It softens my heart to the point where I cannot think of anything to do about that other than to ask,
“Do you…uh…want me to stay?”
I turn to face him and his smile and eyes are so bright you could light up half of Atlanta from the megawatts he puts out. “Yes! of course I want you to stay. But what I really want to do is to join you. Can I?” I giggle at the sight of his second head pointing directly at me. The fact that he’s ready to go again causes a rush of heat to my core. My rational brain shuts down at the thought of yet another orgasm as a result of this beautiful specimen of masculinity.
“Of course! It’s your shower after all.”
I step aside to give him room. Once ensconced in the confines of of the shower he moves in behind me and proceeds to kiss me on the shoulder, while his hands slowly glide down my sides. He pulls my hips against his and I gasp when I feel his stiffness nudge against my backside. My prior resolve to get out of here in a hurry washes down the drain. I melt into his touch, while the rest of my reserves about how wrong this is dissipates with the steam slowly filling the room.
I moan as his lips traverse the length of my shoulders. The touch sends shivers down my spine, despite the heat of the shower. I turn in his arms while he slides a hand to the back of my head and pulls me in for a deep kiss. His other hand cups, then squeezes my ass. I pull him into me by hitching a thigh over his hip. He responds with a gentle tug on my hair forcing me to present my neck. He nips and licks across my jawline and down to the juncture of my neck and clavicle. I’m panting as his hands roam along my warm wet skin, and his tongue dances against that sensitive spot between my breasts. I twine my leg around his hip, pulling his erection into me to create more friction and get a joyous treat of his bulbous head glancing against my clit.
I involuntarily tense at the touch, still sensitive from my prior releases, and inevitably destroy this romantic moment by slipping. I lose my remaining foothold, and in a feat of unexpected athleticism, Josh recovers and keeps us from tumbling out of the shower. Unfortunately his save causes my head to connect with the shower wall. My skull makes a loud thunk that seems to resound through the room. I can hear him laugh, but the pounding in my head makes it difficult to focus on where the sound is coming from.
“Oh man, I should keep you away from water of all kinds. You okay?”
I nod my head in the affirmative, and wince in pain from the throb that pulses through my sinuses.
“Okay, no more shower for you. Lets get you to a softer surface. Hold on.”
I wrap my arms a little tighter around his neck. In a deft move, he swings my legs into his arms, shuts off the water, grabs a towel, then proceeds to carry me bridal style over to his bed. My head nestled into the crook of his neck, I relax into the comforting feeling of his warmth cocooning me. I feel so comfortable in his arms, that the desire to drift off into sleep is overwhelming. I must have drifted off for a bit, because I feel a soft peck on my cheek and open my eyes to see Josh standing over me in his pajama bottoms.
“Hey sleeping beauty, I thought I’d let you sleep for a bit. You had a nasty thunk on the head there. You feeling any better?”
I rub my eyes to look around and see that I’m wearing one of Josh’s t-shirts. He’s tucked me into his bed, neatly folded my clothes, and placed them on a chair beside his dresser. I’m embarrassed to have fallen asleep on him, and I go to move out of the bed. He gently places a palm on my shoulder, and sinks down to my level. He reaches up to cup my cheek and look me in the eye.
“Hold on Elizabeth, I need to see how you are feeling? Make sure you didn’t have a concussion or anything. I looked it up…uh…Your head? Does it feel any worse than before?”
I lie and tell him I’m fine. That I should go. Really I just need to get out of here, as the longer I stay the less resolve I have to not give in to what I really want to do which is yank his loose fitting pajama bottoms down and take him into my mouth.
“I think, for your own good, you should probably stay here tonight?”
“My own good? Are you trying to get another go at me?”
“Well I wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to…ahem…go at it again, but really I’m more concerned about you having a concussion. You hit your head pretty hard. It would be ungentlemanly of me to let you simply leave. That, and…I like the thought of waking up with you.”
“Concussion? That’s a tad melodramatic don’t you think? I’m fine really… I’ve overstayed my welcome. I…I should get going.”
“Wait Elizabeth, please. What’s really going on here. You’re gonna give me a complex with all this running. Am I really that horrible?”
“No, its not you. You’re not horrible…”
“Don’t give me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech. Come on, tell me what’s going on.”
I sigh. I guess he is right, I was about to tell Josh why we shouldn’t be together before I was interrupted by Brian. Who ended up being a complete prick anyhow. It pisses me off at how Brian always thinks of himself, even when I bend over backwards to make him feel better and he rarely lifts a finger to help me. I wince at the thought of the last time I got hurt and how uncaring and selfish Brian was about it. Yelling at me to just ‘walk it off’ because he wanted to get to the damned premiere so he could hobnob with my co-workers. That twisted ankle ended up being much worse after the fact because he didn’t help me. All he had to do was to stop for a damned minute rather than run off to go ‘network.’
Come to think of it, that twisted ankle was much less traumatic than me bonking my head. And he’s never offered to fold my clothes, nor take care of me. Now I’m thinking of that asshole instead of enjoying what I have sitting resplendently at my feet begging me to stay.
Why in the hell should I be trying to run?
Its not like Brian hasn’t had his own dalliances that he thought I didn’t know about. He never treated our relationship as sacrosanct even when we were engaged. Fucking around with other women while I’m supposed to be the loyal one? Although he vowed once we got married that he wouldn’t do that ever again, but I’d be stupid to believe that he didn’t still stick his dick in any willing pussy.
His question forces me back into the present. I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
"I… I guess I was trying to protect myself."
"Protect yourself from what? Me?"
I have to think about how to respond. I know that I still have to work with him for the next 4-6 months. How do I tell him that it was a slip of my mental faculties? That I was horny, He’s hot and, its been over 2 months since I’ve had a man touch me like that? That and I can’t stand my husband right now and if I stayed I’d be using Josh as a revenge fuck?
“Yes… I mean No. Maybe?” I shake my head, sending a tinge of pain to my forehead. This isn’t coming out the way I expected. He crooks an eyebrow in confusion.
“Honestly? Because sleeping with co-workers never ends well. Besides I’m bad for you, and this only complicates our working together.”
“Only if we make it complicated. Look. This…was…is good…really good. There is no way I can believe that this is bad for either of us. Can we at least explore where this will go before you shut it down?”
My head is starting to throb at his persistence. Why can’t he see reason?
"The smart thing to do is call this an awesomely good one night stand and then go our separate ways. I…I’m sure I can do it, can you?"
"No. Especially when you make a backhanded compliment like that."
"Listen to reason Josh. This isn’t a good idea. Neither of us wants the kind of gossip that comes with an entanglement between the stars and crew. I…I ugh. I really shouldn’t…” I pinch the bridge of my nose and wince in pain at the headache that is forming behind my eyes.
“How about instead we get you to a hospital?”
My head is really pounding now. Throbbing in pain and with the prospect that Josh is even considering doing this again, and that my asshole husband is being an asshole and…ugh. I guess the hospital isn’t such a sucky idea right now.
“If I say yes, will you call me a cab?”
He agrees, and I re-dress myself. My head is drowning with thoughts, but once he takes my hand to guide me into the cab then slides his arm over my shoulder I feel relieved. I drift off to the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat against my ear, and feel him wrap me into his embrace as he kisses my temple. Its so sweet, I may have the dt’s when I have to go back to my real life.
I’m so fucked, and I couldn’t care less right now. It feels too good to care.
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